An etiquette guide from 1936 shows just how much things have changed (2024)

The 1930s was an era when a gentleman would tip his hat to show respect to the opposite sex, while a lady would dress to the nines, donning a fur stole, hat and elbow-length gloves for an evening out, as this image from the 1938 film "Happy Landing," starring Don Ameche and Sonja Henie, suggests.

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y.

— Visiting cards? Rules about where a woman should sit in a carriage? Men putting their women’s overshoes on for them?

My, my, my, things certainly have changed since the late newspaper columnist Frederic J. Haskin published “Modern Manners” in 1936.

Presented in a

Q&A

format, the etiquette guide responds to readers’ queries concerning codes of conduct, addressing everything from customs for christenings and funerals to how people should behave on the street, in a hotel, on a ship and train.

An in-pristine-condition copy of the 32-page booklet was unearthed by Islanders Dorothy Culek and her husband, Dennis McDonald. They found it “packed away nicely” while cleaning out the West Brighton estate of their dear friend, Kenneth Michel, who died last spring at the age of 99.

Since, as stated on the cover, this particular issue of “Modern Manners” had been “circulated by the Staten Island Advance,” the Westerleigh couple decided to return it to the Advance, figuring it might be “historically interesting,” McDonald said.

Indeed it is. Distributed by more than 100 newspapers nationwide, according to online research, the booklet illustrates just how antiquated our ancestors’ idea of “modern” has become.

VISITING CARDS

Take the many inquiries about visiting cards, aka calling cards, people would send out announcing their desire to visit an acquaintance. Many stipulations surrounded their usage, and readers asked for clarifications on proper wording, card dimensions and presentation.

It’s hard to imagine going through all that trouble just to organize one little get-together, when nowadays it’s as easy as logging on to Facebook or FourSquare to tell hundreds of friends where the party, and we, will be.

Other questions sent in by Haskin’s readers illustrate the extent to which our forefathers were sticklers for decorum, seeking answers to finer points like: “Is a knife ever used to remove baked potato from the skin?”; “Is the dinner napkin entirely unfolded and laid across the lap?” and “Is a croquette cut with a knife?”

In case you’re wondering: No, no and no.

Granted, from inquiries about servants, golf and the theater — posed during the Great Depression era, when most Americans were concerned with how to put food, literally, not aesthetically, on the table — it’s clear much in this guide caters to high society.

Still, even folks without butlers can relate to a good many questions, like whether a “young man should buy an engagement ring before proposing to a girl?”

A no-brainer, right? Apparently, not.

“It is in doubtful taste for a man to prepare for acceptance beforehand. A ring is provided before the announcement of the engagement,” the guide instructs.

And here we thought a woman’s acceptance was dependent on the size of the rock.

So how did it transpire that most women these days expect a diamond ring the moment their beau pops the question? We can thank the early marketing efforts of the De Beers diamond company, whose aggressive advertising campaign in the 1940s ignited this particular materialistic obsession.

Continuing in the proposal mode, and somewhat unexpected, was the answer to whether a young man should ask a woman’s parents for their consent to marry their daughter.

“Formerly, a young man who wished to propose marriage to a young woman asked the permission of her parents first,” the guide states. “Now, however, he usually obtains the favorable answer of the young woman before speaking to her parents.”

Then, as now, though, a fella knows if he wants to get in good with a future father-in-law, asking for his blessing to marry his daughter is an absolute must — even if he’s already surreptitiously popped the question.

Advice regarding women’s code of conduct also can be found in “Modern Manners,” most of it showing just how far we’ve come, Baby.

Indeed, few single women today heed the guide’s advice never to invite a man to “come in for a few minutes” when the hour is late. Pilates, kick-boxing and tae kwon do have transformed the shrinking violets of yesteryear into women who can kick butt when necessary.

And today’s women probably would be in shock if exposed to the many chivalrous acts “Modern Manners” instructs men to perform — like carrying a woman’s wraps, putting on her overshoes (waterproof rubber boots worn over regular shoes) and exiting first from a bus so as “to offer assistance to his companion in alighting.”

Heck, even a man holding a door open a door for a lady is a rarity these days.

On more than one occasion, the booklet recommends a gentleman position himself in a spot in which he best can protect a lady, such as walking closest to the street on the sidewalk. This is one the ladies might want to resurrect, letting their guy absorb the brunt of a hard elbow from the right from someone in a rush to get by.

Some of the guide’s recommendations will send feminists rioting. Among them is one noting that it’s improper for a woman, when dining out accompanied by a man, to tell a waiter her order; she must let her escort speak for her. How likely is that to happen today unless a woman has a severe case of laryngitis? And even then, she’d probably manage to squeak something out on her own.

When it comes to interactions between the sexes, “Modern Manners” finally seems somewhat more in line with 21st-century thinking, placing the ball in the women’s court at the very beginning of a relationship.

“Etiquette demands that a woman speak first when meeting a man,” the guide states, concluding, “This is in order that an undesirable acquaintanceship need not be continued.”

Useful advice for stopping an annoying guy from hitting on you when you’re enjoying a night out at a club. Simply fix him with an icy stare, tell him to “mind his manners” and send him on his way.

Etiquette demands no less.